Last post?

This could be my last post.... as a ms. haha did i scare anyone?

Probably not.


Just a fast note: A lession I've learned is that i give up on God too easily. Not in a serious "turn my back" way. I know he CAN.... he can do ANYTHING, What i give up on is weither or not he WILL and how i take it personally when he dosen't That maybe things are working out the way they are not cause i need to do without but someone else dose. Like this... two people get in a car crash... maybe the one person didn't need the experince to grow or learn but the other did. Eh.... just one more lession to learn that i will probably need to learn again in a new way in a few months/years.


On a brighter note i get to see me best friend in a few hours (ok ok so like 20ish),
and then in 53 hours and 10 mins i get to marry my Bestest friend!

Punishment?

Maybe its just human nature but how can i not feel like God is punishing me.

Whenever i let something be so important i make hard, fast serious plans they all fall apart like its my fault. I can never want anything. Never. The second i let things with this wedding become important i lose them.


Everything is falling apart. It has to be my fault. I wanted things to go a certain way and now i have no idea what the hell im gonna do. Its all falling apart and the little details only matter to me.



I hate myself all over again.

Life is French Canadian!

So there is a scene from a movie i love. Two guys are talking when a chick comes up and was kinda a bitch to one of the guys. After she left the guy who knew her said "Don't mind her, she's french Canadian, some days shes french some days Canadian. The days she is Canadian she can be quite pleasant. Today she is obviously French."

Life is like that too. Some days its pleasant some days its a bitch.




Today was French! :-(

BVS

So finally got back into Buffy the Vamp slayer. Just finished season 6- so just 22 episodes till im done. Anywho- just had to share this clip (highlight of the show for me)












I will probably post my fave clips from each Wheadon shows when im done with Buffy and Dollhouse.

new blog?

So i was thinking of starting a blog about married life. Would anyone read it? and if so should i stay here or go wordpress?

:-(

Filled with that "trevor just left and now i want to cry" feeling.



Not a big fan of this feeling :-(



Katelyn wanted to talk and when i said id be free in two hours, after trevor left she said "oh yeah fine" and hasnt repled to my texts saying i'm ready to Skype.



Just feel adrift- like I am floating all alone just waiting for someone to talk to me. Someone to care enough to say hi. I just know when ever someone is ready to talk my phone will be dead. Hazard of a broken charger cord. :-(


The thing is i doubt it will get better up there. Zero friends- working husband. Doubtful anyone will find time for me still.

I remember why i played WoW so much. I had friends, people who where excited to see me on. No one plays anymore of course. I have maybe one friend there still who isn't a fake-ass liar or superduper clingy.

Two months to go-

wOOts


so many details.


Been feeling down lately. There are people i wish i could invite but i know i cant.



Been trying to do things to make Mouse happy. I mean god forbid IM happy with stuff pertaining to MY wedding. no no no- she is TOP priority.

*sigh*

oh well atlest my wedding can be the wedding she already had, right?

thats my one rant.

The fonder heart?

The same people who seem shocked im having a 3 month engagement also liked telling me 6 months ago "absence makes the heart grow fonder"


And on that note: that always seemed like a good happy thing. "the heart grow fonder"


But its not....



It hurts. It sucks. and yes im being all "black hair covering face i wear black" emo i know. But it feels like im missing everything.

wedding bells

Stressing will start shortly lol.


Asked mouse to help with my dress but wondering if i shoulda or not... honestly i dont think she will listen to me. I guess i can give her my ideas and if she dose something else i will be a bride bitch and cry and tell her she runined my dress. naw im too nice - ill just take it even if i hate it.


Need to get tons of stuff that costs alot :(

Zero respect/responciblity.

When Ben and Mouse got a cat they KNEW they would be going to LA....

They asked us to watch her for the four months.... that was ok. We loved her and trained her like our own cat... Ben and mouse came home and only stayed a month. before moving. Around that time i got a fish... cause no cat meant yay fish... well i didnt know they'd dump her off on us every time she went into heat and then finally move in with us again... shortly after moving in i met Trevor. One of the first times i went to see him i asked ben to check in on my fish... he did friday morning.. and sunday eveing.. that night though my fish was dead. :(


When i got home to survey the poor fish death my door was open, the net cover was slightly off the bowl and stuff on my desk (next to the bowl) was on the floor. I asked ben why he left the door open he got VERY defensive (thats how i found it) (hell no i ALWAYS shut it cause of the cat)

Here is what i KNOW happened. After the first time ben left it open and the cat got in and killed my fish.... i KNOW it for a fact. But no punishment of the cat occured.



My `/~ button is busted cause the cat keeps getting on my keyboard.... she NEVER did when i left my door open. But its not her fault or Ben and Mouse's its mine for not shuting my lap top.

Every time the cat ruins something of mine its ALL MY FAULT!!!!!



Living with those two completely turned her into a miss behaving cat.


Oh now that Mouse is prego that cat is all but dead to her.... she says she loves Lizzy but she doesn't act like it.... When they move out the cat isn't going. "Cat's kill infants you know " (all her of her prof is nothing but old wife's tails. it hurts cause i LOVE lizzy and i would be a WAY more responcible owner then those shit heads (no really you DONT adopt a cat then abandon it TWICE.)