No song

No love song and no break up song can really say what i feel. Its been over for a while now.... I know its better this way... i know we just wouldant have worked... but watching him fall for someone else really hurts.. How can i not think it was all a lie... How can i separate the "your beautiful" from "Im so lucky to have you"

How can someone go from "If i made a list of the girl i wanted to marry you'd fit it perfectly" to "i just don't feel that spark" I can't see these both being right so which is the lie? Dose it even matter?

He left... and just like always he finds someone else and i am all alone.

My red star

So much as happened in the past year. I finally was ready to let go and he keeps finding ways back in.

I was starting to let him walk over me when i found a reason to not let him. I felt like i was being mean to not help but Xana told me i shouldnt be so nice after all that he had put me though. I was ok with forgetting him- letting it all be a memory.

I had a new friend, he was nice but i knew i cared too much. Then i met my miracle. He proved to me he wanted to talk- he wanted to get to know me. I have yet to scare him away but im still paranoid he wont stick around. (i have the sparkling angel for that).
I am happy with him ^_^

Then i got a call. It was a "normal" converstation. However... he was mooopy down, sad. Normally i'd try to encourage him and remind him he was cared for.. he was complaining about not having a date to prom. I also woulda told him if i could get the Honda running by then i'd be there.... but the thing is... i have someone- maybe i was keeping him so close cause i was hoping he still wanted me... but i can see now even if he did its just a mask. He wares so many and he will never let me see the real him. I am sick of that, so i will still be civil to him but we will never be like we were untill he grows up enough to show us the real him.


Regardless i have my Miracle, and i will trust God with him and our relationship.