She emailed him....
She wanted to know his new number....
He deleted it.
Her signature was "#1 mommy"
I get her not wanting to let him go- he is a amazing guy, but her atempts are sad and pathetic.... when you lie, cheat and emotionally abuse someone you dont just email them and expect them to come running back...
I keep dreaming she shows up on his doorstep saying she wants him back and i normally end up slugging her.... i'd like to but i'd probably end up just slapping her.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
baby, its 3 am and i feel lonely
lol ok really why am i awake and why do i suddenly at 3 am get it?
I will admit it, i read new moon (it was a year before the first movie was out, so ha!) . It bothered me, and ripped me apart... i hated how wishy washy Bella was... how she couldnt make up her mind (like what David was doing to me). But it hit me... that might not be the only reason i wanted to cry when Edward vanished from her life... All her pictures of him, the music he gave her, it all vanished, like he never was there..... Sounds a bit to familar... Our pictures are gone... she took them all down. Not that its supprising i guess. She got rid of me and all of us, Jason, Amy, Sten, Kate, she hugged me and said bye and left forever- i think she knew she'd never see me again.
It hurts so much that she wants to forget me... she wants me to go away. I still cant let her go and i hate that... she was my friend... its worse then a death- cause its a choice... a willful act.
I think i could deal better if i knew why.... i dealt with Jere leaving, and Josiah, and Dan (who i dont know if he ever saw me as a friend), i can deal with losing touch, but people who just want to drop me and not say why.... not tell me what happened... i know it will torture me till either i die and i get my answer from God or she finally tells me. :(
Oh wells- i think its hitting me hard cause im writting that list of girls i want with me (you know the one Sten) and she was suppose to be on it.... now she wont even make the guest list- im not even wasting the postage "just in case".
i miss trevor too.... i hate not being with him... its one reason i want to get married... so i can just be there with him... i want to start our life together, i want to be there for him always. i want to be his partner in life, as well as love...
random question to any who reads this.... should i invite my ex? I mean I will invite David cause i want to rub in his face i found someone WAY better then his punk ass, (plus trevor dosent really know about him) But i mean Steven? we are still kinda friends, and i love his mom... she reminds me alot of my grandma... but idk if Trevor will even want me to bring it up... :-/
Thoughts? comments? suggestions?
I will admit it, i read new moon (it was a year before the first movie was out, so ha!) . It bothered me, and ripped me apart... i hated how wishy washy Bella was... how she couldnt make up her mind (like what David was doing to me). But it hit me... that might not be the only reason i wanted to cry when Edward vanished from her life... All her pictures of him, the music he gave her, it all vanished, like he never was there..... Sounds a bit to familar... Our pictures are gone... she took them all down. Not that its supprising i guess. She got rid of me and all of us, Jason, Amy, Sten, Kate, she hugged me and said bye and left forever- i think she knew she'd never see me again.
It hurts so much that she wants to forget me... she wants me to go away. I still cant let her go and i hate that... she was my friend... its worse then a death- cause its a choice... a willful act.
I think i could deal better if i knew why.... i dealt with Jere leaving, and Josiah, and Dan (who i dont know if he ever saw me as a friend), i can deal with losing touch, but people who just want to drop me and not say why.... not tell me what happened... i know it will torture me till either i die and i get my answer from God or she finally tells me. :(
Oh wells- i think its hitting me hard cause im writting that list of girls i want with me (you know the one Sten) and she was suppose to be on it.... now she wont even make the guest list- im not even wasting the postage "just in case".
i miss trevor too.... i hate not being with him... its one reason i want to get married... so i can just be there with him... i want to start our life together, i want to be there for him always. i want to be his partner in life, as well as love...
random question to any who reads this.... should i invite my ex? I mean I will invite David cause i want to rub in his face i found someone WAY better then his punk ass, (plus trevor dosent really know about him) But i mean Steven? we are still kinda friends, and i love his mom... she reminds me alot of my grandma... but idk if Trevor will even want me to bring it up... :-/
Thoughts? comments? suggestions?
Saturday, April 3, 2010
drama again :P
I really hate drama.... but it seems to pull me in- maybe its the crowed i keep.
I believe in respecting the place you live in, much more so when your a guest. Do i pay rent? no. Do i flat out own? No. so is this MY house, no... its my parents so i am a guest here- they allow me to stay rent free.... so i see no reason to try and change things too much.... Too bad Mouse thinks differently.... she has Ben to back her up though...
They asked me what color i wanted to paint the bathroom (this after the "accidental" ripping of the wall paper, which i was asked if i wanted it to come all the way down). I told them maybe a light blue, or cream color- mouse had other suggestions, so i said thats fine, i really didnt care (cause i dont)... also they asked about the showerdoors... i hated them so i voted to have them removed but only if it was ok with mom and dad first..... well what they didnt ask was "do you care what curtin we buy" or "do you care if we move things around" so now the shower curtian is CLEAR.... i feel akward... it took me a extra 10 mins in there just cause i kept looking around.. i felt so exposed. my bottles are in a different spot (one was thrown away and im pretty sure i didnt do it- i dont care how empty it was you DONT mess with someone elses stuff. ) I could say something but its not like it would matter whats done is done. I hate having to confront her about things cause she somehow makes it my fault, no matter what it is. Also this morning my hand towel and washcloth were gone... So i asked them and they said they washed some things they were probably in there... well they took the clean clothes to their room this morning and yet by 9:30 pm (11 hours later) they still werent back (hmmmm) Also i know my bucket might have been in the way but there is NO other place for it and they moved it without saying ONE DAMN word to me...
WHAT THE FUCK??????
It might be something small but to me it says "we dont really care what you think, we want it our way if its thats inconveintant for you.. find a place where its not"
Grrrrrrr...... im so out of here as soon as i can find a place.... infact here is my mental plan:
get my licence, get insured if i have enough left over after that per month ask a friend if i can move in with her and tell her what i can pay a month... she knows i am having issues here she sees how ragged i look each week at church. If it works it might not be long at all... just a couple of months....
I dont know if i have the energy to last till October here. :(
I believe in respecting the place you live in, much more so when your a guest. Do i pay rent? no. Do i flat out own? No. so is this MY house, no... its my parents so i am a guest here- they allow me to stay rent free.... so i see no reason to try and change things too much.... Too bad Mouse thinks differently.... she has Ben to back her up though...
They asked me what color i wanted to paint the bathroom (this after the "accidental" ripping of the wall paper, which i was asked if i wanted it to come all the way down). I told them maybe a light blue, or cream color- mouse had other suggestions, so i said thats fine, i really didnt care (cause i dont)... also they asked about the showerdoors... i hated them so i voted to have them removed but only if it was ok with mom and dad first..... well what they didnt ask was "do you care what curtin we buy" or "do you care if we move things around" so now the shower curtian is CLEAR.... i feel akward... it took me a extra 10 mins in there just cause i kept looking around.. i felt so exposed. my bottles are in a different spot (one was thrown away and im pretty sure i didnt do it- i dont care how empty it was you DONT mess with someone elses stuff. ) I could say something but its not like it would matter whats done is done. I hate having to confront her about things cause she somehow makes it my fault, no matter what it is. Also this morning my hand towel and washcloth were gone... So i asked them and they said they washed some things they were probably in there... well they took the clean clothes to their room this morning and yet by 9:30 pm (11 hours later) they still werent back (hmmmm) Also i know my bucket might have been in the way but there is NO other place for it and they moved it without saying ONE DAMN word to me...
WHAT THE FUCK??????
It might be something small but to me it says "we dont really care what you think, we want it our way if its thats inconveintant for you.. find a place where its not"
Grrrrrrr...... im so out of here as soon as i can find a place.... infact here is my mental plan:
get my licence, get insured if i have enough left over after that per month ask a friend if i can move in with her and tell her what i can pay a month... she knows i am having issues here she sees how ragged i look each week at church. If it works it might not be long at all... just a couple of months....
I dont know if i have the energy to last till October here. :(
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
