done

i am so done with this.......... i swear i wont put up with it anymore.




"I love you" seems so shallow now- there is only a couple of people i'll believe it from anymore.

There is so much about rules and life that i dont care about anymore. I have to leave and if it means moving in with my boyfriend and losing my virginity oh the fuck well cause this place is eatting my soul.


I am very slowly dying and i am pretty sure no one cares.


"See i can play a pretty convincing role,
so i dont need you
I dont think i need you"
~Liquid
"Dont try to reach me
cause im already dead"
~He

dwdjkwadawAngstakwdkSnarljkjkeajGrumblejdkwadjwajdkCursingdwadmwkamawk

I am sick....



Not cough cough sick but fed up....


I havent eaten much today cause i've been too depressed.... i am so sick of these funks. I just get down and upset and depressed and all i want to do is spend all day in bed and away from everyone and everthing.

I hate the way certain family members treat me like im a nusance... or a guest who has overstayed her welcome... I get glared at... insulted. And treated like a idiot when im the one who cares enough for this family that i follow house rules and dont go changing things for my benifit.

I hate it when my family quizzes me about Trevor like i have to know certain things before we can go father in our relationship. (I know him... and i love him and i love that im still getting to know him)


I hate the distance from my friends.... i want to be closer to Trev or closer to a friend- someone who knows me well enough to get my moods. someone not mouse, but more like katelyn or kristen.... i miss them so much.


I want to change some things but not the things mouse wants me to change- so if im gonna be this brat or whatever she sees me as, i dont want to do it here... i want to be who i am with people who are willing to welcome that. People who can speak truth without it being harsh, and offenceive, people who know when i need to hear it and when i need to be stubbern. I want to move... if i stay in this town i want to live with someone who actually likes me for me.

I am ready to just get away from her.... if she wont take her paycheacks and get a semi decent place with her husband then i will get out of here. Its me or her... im sorry but i know me... i know i can only take so much... im so weak... i am really scared if i have to put up with this i will start hurting myself again. That empty feeling is back and i dont like it.

my rights (lol)

So i finally got rid of the fancy layouts... back to normal diy...

I understand that part of advertising is to inform the public they have a need and you have the solution to that need. But i am kinda offended when someone says that "you have the right to have it your way" hamburgers are one thing but do i really have the right to "flat abs" "MY money" and "peace of mind".

I dont get why i somehow keep getting all these random fake rights thrown at me.... sure i have the right to have flat abs but i also have the right to eat like a pig and never work out.... i dont need someone telling me what i need or want... and i wish i could inact my right to not be bugged by stupid pushy salesmen.