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I am sick....



Not cough cough sick but fed up....


I havent eaten much today cause i've been too depressed.... i am so sick of these funks. I just get down and upset and depressed and all i want to do is spend all day in bed and away from everyone and everthing.

I hate the way certain family members treat me like im a nusance... or a guest who has overstayed her welcome... I get glared at... insulted. And treated like a idiot when im the one who cares enough for this family that i follow house rules and dont go changing things for my benifit.

I hate it when my family quizzes me about Trevor like i have to know certain things before we can go father in our relationship. (I know him... and i love him and i love that im still getting to know him)


I hate the distance from my friends.... i want to be closer to Trev or closer to a friend- someone who knows me well enough to get my moods. someone not mouse, but more like katelyn or kristen.... i miss them so much.


I want to change some things but not the things mouse wants me to change- so if im gonna be this brat or whatever she sees me as, i dont want to do it here... i want to be who i am with people who are willing to welcome that. People who can speak truth without it being harsh, and offenceive, people who know when i need to hear it and when i need to be stubbern. I want to move... if i stay in this town i want to live with someone who actually likes me for me.

I am ready to just get away from her.... if she wont take her paycheacks and get a semi decent place with her husband then i will get out of here. Its me or her... im sorry but i know me... i know i can only take so much... im so weak... i am really scared if i have to put up with this i will start hurting myself again. That empty feeling is back and i dont like it.